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GM's Help Line
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how
to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but
imagine if they did....
| HelpLine: |
"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| Customer: |
"I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!" |
| HelpLine: |
"Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" |
| Customer: |
"What's an ignition?" |
| HelpLine: |
"It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." |
| Customer: |
"Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?" |
| HelpLine: |
"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| Customer: |
"My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!" |
| HelpLine: |
"Is the gas tank empty?" |
| Customer: |
"Huh? How do I know?" |
| HelpLine: |
"There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" |
| Customer: |
"It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" |
| HelpLine: |
"It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you." |
| Customer: |
"What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" |
| HelpLine: |
"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| Customer: |
"Your cars suck!" |
| HelpLine: |
"What's wrong?" |
| Customer: |
"It crashed, that's what wrong!" |
| HelpLine: |
"What were you doing?" |
| Customer: |
"I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now! |
| HelpLine: |
"It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?" |
| Customer: |
"I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash any more!" |
| HelpLine: |
"General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" |
| Customer: |
"Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." |
| HelpLine: |
"Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" |
| Customer: |
"How do I work it?" |
| HelpLine: |
"Do you know how to drive?" |
| Customer: |
"Do I know how to what?" |
| HelpLine: |
"Do you know how to drive?" |
| Customer: |
"I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!" |
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