However, comma, (ahem) we get an endless supply of WARNING, DANGEROUS VIRUS! messages which have been immediately forwarded to everyone the sender knows in an earnest attempt to warn them of yet another e-mail virus - alas, BEFORE the sender checks out the facts.

Please, be careful of viruses and use good antivirus countermeasures -- but when you hear of a new virus, don't just automatically cry wolf. First check sources like Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center for hoaxes BEFORE e-mailing everyone on the planet.

Alert: Most Dangerous Virus Yet!
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.

This is the most dangerous E-mail virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend (ex-husband/wife) your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic (or worse yet... Country Music).

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend husband/wife) behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid!